Chapter 16

All alone in New York

I wished life would always flow like a gentle stream. I wanted were happiness and peace. My weakness was a mind trying to avoid any ill will or hostilities . Because of my inability to overcome this weakness I plunged into loneliness once again. I shall tell about it.

Because I could secure the bachelor's degree in science I was promoted as lab supervisor in Yonkers General Hospital in 1991. When the Yonkers General Hospital was amalgamated with another hospital nearby, I too shifted to the new place. The entire tuition fee which I had paid at the Mercy College was reimbursed after my studies. I could realise that the internal strife was there in New York also as it is in any other place. As I did not want to continue in a hostile environment I too resigned without much delay.

My expectations were belied when I tried to find a new job. Nobody was prepared to give a job to a 58-year-old man. Tired of knocking at the doors without any success, I had to remain at home desperately. Thus two and a half years were wasted.

It was like a bolt from the blue. I too became jobless with Baby who had to resign in 2001 because of severe pain in her back and legs. Now, we had to solely rely on Baby's pension. After her resignation, Baby was doing only part-time job till January1, 2009.

I cannot explain how disgusting the days and nights were for me. All the Keralites were in hurry earning as much as possible. There were those who would do two or three shifts every day. Most of them were doing double duty. Those who have nurtured big dreams at home, tried to find treasure trove here. All were working hard to amass as much wealth as possible. Women did not have time to become pregnant or give birth and feed their children; no time to cook food. The food is prepared for a week and stuffed in the refrigerator to be eaten after heating in the microwave. The only factor leading them to this mechanical life is the dream of leading a comfortable life back at home one day.

Here is one sitting idly and wasting away time in the company of a sick wife. Because of the financial difficulties at that time we used to get medicines from Kerala for about two and a half years. Now, I realised the meaning of the old wisdom �a bird in hand is worth two in the bush'. Even caring for our pet cat �Kittu' had become a monotonous routine.

I cannot conclude this diary without talking about Kittu who was with us for 15 years. Like O.V. Vijayan's (a noted Malayalam writer) Pussy he was gifted with great understanding. We had got him from an American family as a kitten, a pure white beauty as soft as snow. He enjoyed our affection in full measure as we did not have any children. Our friends have made fun of us when we went searching for fancy food and turkey. Rich food for a cat at the expense of humans! But Kittu was not a mere pet for us but also an adopted son.

Once he showed his sense of responsibility. That was when my mother was living with us. She had a thyroid problem. Her lungs also had been affected by that. One midnight Kittu came running to our room and returned in haste. He came running again and returned in the same fashion. When he repeated this, we knew that he wanted to show us something. When we followed him we saw that my mother was struggling for breath. If Kittu had not been there my mother would have died without anybody knowing. Now she is living in good health today at the age of 90 we are greatly indebted to Kittu.

Our apartment, #42, Park Avenue, was on the fourth floor of the building. When we press the button of the elevator on the ground floor, he would know it on the fourth floor. He 35 would start his joyful display of antics then itself. He would be waiting in the corridor to welcome us when we come out of the elevator. He was with us for 15 years as a member of the family and left providing us with so many of such instances to remember. Our house had become a big vacuum when he passed away.

We had spent eight months at home in 2004 and 2006. Once we returned I was idling again without any occupation and purpose. I thought I would go mad. Desperation took me to the brim of suicide. The call from within that I had to complete some more duties only retracted me from such damnation. Though Baby would console me that we could live on her pension, that was not enough to pacify me.

As the days passed by without any aim, nobody could notice my agony. I did not have any interest in taking care of the plants which had been so precious to me. After passing the monotony of two and a half years, I could land a job in the Montefiore Hospital in New York on fourth of December, 2006. By that time, I was 60 years old.