Chapter 9

Lonely in Muscat

I lost all enthusiasm the moment I returned from Amritsar. When Baby came to know of it, she reached home soon. We had serious discussions at our friend's residence. Baby knew very well that her family will never agree to her marrying a Hindu. We thought of a civil marriage, but Baby would not agree. By that time the eldest among her younger brothers came to know of our relationship. Baby herself had told him about it. She thought that his reaction would be in her favour. They had that much intimacy.

It was a great consolation that Baby's brother never stood against her after coming to know the entire story. He was convinced that Baby could not be retracted from her resolve. Anyhow, he kept the secret to himself without telling it out to anybody else in the family.

In 1976, Baby boarded the aeroplane to America again after resigning her job in Amritsar. By that time I was like a mad man. I had lost all interest in, eating, bathing or going to office. I was also not in a position to sleep properly. When my mental agony became unbearable, I resigned my job in the Post and Telegraph department without seeking advice from anybody. Even Baby had not expected that I would take such an extreme step. All my friends were stunned to silence by my act.

My family never rejoiced when I got the job neither were they sorry that I left the job. None of them interfered in my affairs at any time. I too never discussed my personal affairs with any of them. I had become a rebel when I had run away to Madras. Therefore, I never needed anybody's permission to get married to a Christian girl.

Baby was greatly agitated when she came to know that I had resigned my job. Her thoughts of a government official losing his mental balance because of her put her in an 20 agonising mental state. Finding no way for any solution, she informed her brother who was in Muscat. So he arranged a visa for me to go to Muscat. Their plan was to arrange a job for me there. Somehow, I could not get a suitable job there. I spent about one year counting each day as if I was in solitary confinement. Terrible solitude haunted me during days as I would be arrested for want of residence permit if I had ventured out. It is very difficult there to come out of jail once anyone gets arrested and sentenced to imprisonment.

The only connection I had in my Muscat days was with a person from Calicut who was running a provision store. He could not go back to his place of birth since at the partition of India and Pakistan he happened to be in Pakistan. His agonising feelings were similar to those of the Urdu poet Rais Amrohvi. The memory of his birth place was bitter to Rais who was forced to migrate to Pakistan during the partition. His famous poem Can we ever forget? was born out of an agonising experience. He was murdered soon after that poem was published.

Many Keralites were trapped in Muscat unable to return home. The unscrupulous agents herding their victims to the desert well known for its petrol and gold were not like Moses leading his people to Canan where milk and honey were flowing. The gullible job seekers, who trusted the agents blindly thinking that a passport and visa would do everything for them and flew to this El Dorado, were tripping into inescapable traps. The agents would desert them the moment they landed there. The job offered by visa was then different from what they were given. Sometimes, they might not get any job at all. If it is so, they will suffer like the victims portrayed in �Aadu Jeevitham� by Bennymin or be shut up in a labour colony unable to come out. Subsisting on the food provided by friends, they had to remain there without any help from any other source. They were not prepared to go back home, even if they get enough funds from friends for the return journey because they had come to Gulf borrowing money from friends and acquaintances. On the other hand, they could not face their families, who had dreamt of big moneyflow, watching helplessly their returning empty handed. It was a painful sight of desparate Keralites spending months and years helplessly in the glittering city with the vain hope of getting a job very soon.

When I knew that my dreams would not get a boost in Muscat any more, I returned home. Though I lost all the opportunities, I decided to make the next move keeping my selfconfidence and remaining optimistic. I took a house on rent at Marappalam in Trivandrum. My only solace was my friends. I opened my heart to my best friend Roy (Mani Joseph) of Kudappanakunnu. I wanted to possess Baby at any cost. I had to find out a way for that. Mani took up the matter very seriously.